Retail Therapy Isn’t Therapy

Do you sometimes find yourself about to make a purchase at what isn’t probably the best time or in the best way, but you make that purchase and say, “I deserve this”?

And actually, you do. You deserve every good thing. You work hard. You show up for everyone. You absolutely deserve to feel good, to have nice things, to enjoy your life.

But you deserve financial peace even more — the kind that doesn’t disappear the moment the credit card bill hits.

People joke about “retail therapy,” and some of our sisters are not joking. Some of us have started actually believing that retail therapy is a form of self-care. And maybe it is for someone who has more money than she has time and rarely does anything for herself while the money is stacking up.

But what’s on my mind this holiday season is my sisters who may be setting themselves up for stress because the money isn’t right, and treating themselves means buying more stuff on that credit card. That path to feeling better about our lives often runs straight through the checkout line. And I’m not here to shame anyone for that. But I also know this: retail therapy isn’t therapy. It’s just retail with a prettier name. And it's working against real prosperity.

The Emotional Cost of the Swipe

Here’s what actually happens. You buy the thing. You get that little rush of dopamine. You feel like you’re taking care of yourself, like you’re honoring your worth by spending on yourself. And for a moment — maybe even a few days — it feels good. But then the credit card statement comes. Or you check your bank balance and feel that familiar knot in your stomach. Because that thing you wanted, when purchased at the wrong time, became a burden. Especially if you find yourself paying it off for years after you don’t even want it anymore.

The high is quick, but the payments? Oh sis, they linger like an ex who won’t take a hint.

The truth is, we’ve learned to use shopping as a way to comfort or occupy ourselves.

That swipe has become our emotional shortcut — quick relief now, quiet regret later.

And the wildest part? We do it in the name of self-worth — “I deserve this.”

How We Got Here

This didn’t happen overnight. This pattern of using shopping to manage our feelings, validate ourselves, or prove our worth — it’s everywhere. It’s a widespread reality, especially in America.

Retail therapy isn’t fringe behavior. Research shows that people commonly use shopping as a way to feel better or regulate their moods. If you’ve ever shopped to soothe an emotion, trust me — you’re not alone.

Other data backs this up. Women engage in retail therapy far more than men — roughly two-thirds of women versus less than half of men. In other words: this isn’t a “you” thing… it’s a we thing.

And there’s a reason women are leading this trend. Research published in the International Journal of Retail & Distribution Management shows that women are more “hedonic-oriented” when shopping, meaning we shop for emotional and pleasure-based reasons more than men.

Let’s add some dollars to the picture. Analyses of U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics data show that single women spend significantly more on clothing and personal care than single men do. Translation? We’re carrying a heavier financial load just to meet social expectations — and sis, that adds up.

And for Black women specifically? Recent data shows that Black consumers spent over $8 billion on beauty products in 2023 — and yes, we outspend the general market by a wide margin. When we show up, we show up beautifully… but also expensively.

And then you gotta add the pink tax. The pink tax is the quiet little upcharge society slips onto products marketed to women. Same product, prettier packaging, higher price. Cute for them… not for our wallets.

What This Pattern Actually Costs

So put it all together and we’ve got to put “retail therapy” into perspective.

Because sis, when the math starts mathing, you realize those impulse buys aren’t harmless — they’re stealing from the version of you who’s trying to level up.

It’s hard because aside from wanting to feel better, we also want to look good. And we see images on social media of everyone looking great — including us — and we want to keep it that way. And we can, so long as we put retail therapy in its proper place and prioritize it around our real peace and prosperity.

Because most of what we buy during “retail therapy” is a depreciating asset — unlike investing in the stock market or buying assets that increase your cash flow.

So What’s a Girl to Do?

There’s a saying: “The only proper way to eliminate bad habits is to replace them with good ones.” I’m a believer in this.

For me, I love to learn new things and I like to stay active. During the pandemic, it was the piano and learning to create digital art. Then I started bike riding with my girls. Lately, I’ve been exploring plant-based cooking. That’s what it is for me. Not that I don’t shop online or go out to eat, but it’s not the main event most weeks.

Finding a Better Balance

But I also know that completely replacing shopping isn’t realistic — and honestly, it doesn’t have to be. You don’t have to give up shopping. You just have to shift how you think about it and when you do it.

Here’s the Money Dearest approach to putting retail therapy in its proper place:

Before you make that purchase that you don’t need — and that’s the key, need — ask yourself a few questions, just to slow down the train and get clear about what you’re really doing.

1. What am I actually feeling right now, and will this make me feel better?

Focus on the first part. If you’re not feeling well and you don’t actually need the thing, that may be a red flag. Sometimes we think we want the new jacket, but what we really want is to feel better or feel like we matter. And you can get that in other ways — maybe stopping in a café for a latte and listening to something motivational. Just some you time.

2. Do I need this, and can I pay cash for it?

If the answer to the first part is no, then check the second. If you can’t pay for it without charging or financing it, then maybe today isn’t the day. Charging something you can’t pay off this month means you’re setting yourself back. Saving first gives you time to see if you really want the item — and means you get to enjoy it without the stress of paying it off later.

3. What am I trading for this?

Because you are always trading something — investing potential, financial progress, peace of mind.

Make sure the trade is worth it — I want you choosing what serves you, not what sets you back.

Here’s to choosing peace over impulse — and building the wealth you truly deserve.

Related Money Dearest Pillars

→ Cash Flow

→ Debt Management

→ Money Mindset

→ Saving & Investing

Sources

Psychology Today, The Roots of Retail Therapy

Capital One Shopping, Male vs. Female Shopping Statistics

International Journal of Retail & Distribution Management, “Man, I Shop Like a Woman!”

U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Consumer Expenditure Survey (as analyzed by LendingTree)

NielsenIQ, Black Consumer Spending in the U.S. Beauty Category

Jerome Hines, quote on replacing habits

Disclaimer: This is for education, not personal financial advice. Everyone’s money situation is different, and any decisions should be based on personal research or speaking with a licensed professional about your individual situation.