Why Waiting for a Ring Is the Worst Financial Plan

You know that woman who “married well”? The one who ended up with a man who’s wealthy — the fairy-tale lifestyle, real assets, the whole package? The one who looks like she stumbled into a storybook?

Here’s the quiet part: statistically, that scenario doesn’t happen very often.

Let’s talk about the math. Around 1 in 5 U.S. men (about 20–23%) earn $100,000 or more. And if you’re looking specifically at Black men, the numbers shift. Black men earn a median income of about $41,000–$45,000, compared to $54,100 for white men. So that “marry wealthy” fantasy so many women dream of? It’s already statistically unlikely before you even factor in chemistry, compatibility, or emotional availability.

Now let’s talk geography. In Washington, DC, the household median income is $106,287 — meaning everyone in the home combined, not one single man’s income. And the median Black household income is $89,912. Then consider this: Black men make up only about 21–22% of the city’s population.

In New York City, the overall household median is $79,713, with Black households earning around $60,673. And Black men represent just 11% of the population.

So it might be like looking for a needle in a haystack — except the haystack keeps getting smaller depending on where you live. And let’s be honest: the men know these odds too… and some of them act like it.

And those millionaires everyone talks about? Only 8.8% of U.S. households are millionaire households. Only 8% of those households are Black, which means roughly 3–4% of millionaire households are headed by Black men. The average millionaire is 61 years old. Two-thirds of millionaires are between 60 and 79. In other words, sis… millionaire bachelors aren’t exactly growing on trees.

Now you might be saying, “I’m good with six figures — a man earning $90K–$100K is considered a good catch.”

So that $90K–$100K salary in a major city? It’s decent, but alone it isn’t considered wealthy. It covers his life — not a fairy-tale lifestyle. And as the numbers above show, even reaching that income level isn’t very common.

Here’s What You Might Not Be Thinking About

Here’s what you might not be thinking about as you peruse wedding magazines and wait for the proposal: Every single year you spend waiting for someone else to start your wealth-building journey is costing you a fortune. Not just in the money you didn’t invest, but in something far more valuable—compound interest. And just so we’re clear—compound interest is the magic that happens when your money earns money, and then that money earns money. It’s slow at first, but over time it’s what turns consistent investing into real wealth.

Let’s look at the actual numbers. Say you start investing $500 a month at age 25 with a 7% annual return (we’re using a conservative 7% here—the S&P 500’s nominal return, meaning the return before adjusting for inflation, averages around 10% annually). By the time you’re 65, you’ll have roughly $1.5 million. Start that same investment at 30? You’re looking at about $920,000. Wait until 35? $570,000. Start at 40? Just $380,000. You’ve lost $580,000 by starting 5 years later.

Let me say that again: Waiting just five years—from 25 to 30—costs you more than half a million dollars.

This is your retirement. Your financial independence. Every year you spend waiting for someone else to build it with you is a year you’ll never get back.

What’s the worst that can happen if you build while you wait? He shows up, and you have your own money too?

When "We'll Do It Together" Slows You Down

So let’s say you do it. You wait. You meet someone. You marry well—or at least you marry someone who seems financially stable. You decide to build wealth together, but you scale it back because you’re not on the same page or your priorities have shifted — maybe it’s a new house, private school tuition, or the vacation lifestyle. So you wait some more instead of setting up a serious plan for investing.

Here’s what the stats say about that plan:

41–43% of first marriages end in divorce. If your marriage does end, the average time before divorce is about 7.8 years. That means if you married at 30 (after waiting through your twenties), you could be 38, single again, and starting over. Remember that compound interest calculation we just looked at? Starting at 38 instead of 25 doesn’t just cost you those 13 years—it costs you over $1 million in retirement wealth.

And it gets harder for women specifically.

When marriages end, women experience an average 41% drop in household income compared to 23% for men. And if you didn’t build much before the marriage because you were waiting to “do it together,” you’re now trying to rebuild with:

• Less time before retirement

• Lower earning power (especially if you took career breaks)

• Legal fees that can run $15,000 to $30,000

• And all the compound interest you missed out on during the years you waited

And here’s the real issue: the time you spent waiting is gone. You didn’t build much because you were depending on the idea of “we’ll do it together,” and now you’re in your late thirties or early forties starting from scratch — or starting from behind if the divorce left you with debt.

Whew! And I know that some of you might be saying, “Fast forward girl — I’ve already lived it.” Got you, sis — and that’s why we need to get moving pronto.

Because while the best time to start was years ago, the second-best time to start is now, lovely — for all of us.

Side note: One day I’ll talk about how beneficial it is to set that new baby up for wealth with an inexpensive insurance policy so you can see what compound interest does for that little one.

The Real Power Move: Building Your Own Wealth Now

This is about loving yourself. Loving yourself enough to make sure that you are GOOD. I’m not trying to kill your dreams - you may very well get the man of your dreams but know that you don’t have to wait for him and put all of your eggs in his basket. Bet on yourself too!

When you build your own wealth, you’re not closing the door on love—you’re making sure that when love comes, you’re entering it from a position of strength, not need. You’re making sure that if love goes sideways, you have options. You’re making sure that no matter what happens in your romantic life, your financial life is secure.

That $500 a month we talked about earlier? That’s your financial independence. That’s your retirement security. That’s the wealth that creates cash flow for later so you’re not dependent on anyone else to fund your life when you aren’t working for money any more and you need your money to work and provide an income for you. That’s the investment account that means you have options - whether that’s retiring early, starting a business, or just living comfortably without relying on a partner’s income or Social Security alone.

And here’s the beautiful part: When you do find a partner, you’re not coming to the table empty-handed, hoping they’ll take care of you. You’re coming as an equal. You’re coming with your own assets, your own investment accounts, your own financial security. You’re choosing partnership because it enhances your life, not because you need someone to fund it. And for a man that’s looking for a partner, that’s a different look.

The soft life isn’t about finding someone to pay your bills. The soft life is about building enough wealth that your bills pay themselves while you live the life you designed.

So What Do You Actually Do?

First, stop waiting. I mean it. Today is the day. Not when you get the promotion. Not when you meet someone. Not when you have “enough” money. Today.

Start with what you have. Can’t do $500 a month? Start with $50. Start with $25. The point is to start building the habit and letting time work for you. You can increase it later as your income grows, but you cannot get back the years you spend waiting.

Open a retirement account if you don’t have one already. If your job offers a 401(k) or, for federal employees, the Thrift Savings Plan (TSP), that’s free money — take it and contribute at least enough to get the full match.

If not, open a Roth IRA. You can start one with most brokerages for free, and for this year you can contribute up to $7,000 (or $8,000 if you’re 50 or older). Note: contribution limits can change yearly.

Note: A retirement account (401(k), TSP, Roth IRA) is just the container — you still have to choose what to invest in. Most people prefer to invest in the stock market inside their 401(k), TSP, or Roth IRA, and the specific investment options you’ll see depend on where your account is held. If you don’t want to invest through one of those retirement containers, you can still invest directly through a regular brokerage account using simple stock market options like an S&P 500 index fund.

Don’t know what to invest in? Start with an S&P 500 index fund. This is simply a fund that invests in the 500 largest publicly traded companies in the U.S., covering about 80% of the entire U.S. stock market’s value. Just think about it — there are thousands of publicly traded companies in the U.S. stock market. The S&P 500 picks the 500 largest ones, and those 500 alone represent roughly 80% of the market’s total value. So this relatively small slice of the market numerically is actually enormous value-wise. When you invest in an S&P 500 index fund, you’re basically buying a tiny piece of all these companies at once, which means you’re instantly diversified across the major sectors of the U.S. economy.

Over the last 30 years, the S&P 500 has returned an average of about 10% annually. That’s the power of letting America’s biggest companies work for you. And as Warren Buffett wrote in his 2013 shareholder letter: “My advice… could not be more simple: put 90% of the money into a very low-cost S&P 500 index fund.”

Source: Berkshire Hathaway Shareholder Letter

🔗 https://www.berkshirehathaway.com/letters/2013ltr.pdf

Automate everything. Set up automatic transfers from your checking account to your investment account. Make it happen before you see the money, before you can spend it, before you can talk yourself out of it. Pay yourself first, then figure out the rest of your budget around what’s left. But if you’re working with heavy, high-interest debt, you can still automate your future — just make debt reduction the first thing you automate and add investing as you create more breathing room. Because high-interest debt at around 22% can seriously stall your progress — the interest grows faster than your investments, which means you lose money even while you’re trying to build it.

And here’s the thing: This doesn’t mean you can’t also save for other goals. This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your life. This doesn’t mean you have to choose between living now and securing your future. But it does mean that your financial security can’t be item number 47 on your priority list, something you’ll get to “eventually.” It has to be in the top three.

Your future self is counting on the decisions you make today. And sis, she deserves better than hoping someone else will take care of her.

The Bottom Line

Look, I’m not saying don’t get married. I’m not saying don’t fall in love. I’m not saying relationships aren’t important or valuable or worth pursuing. And I’m definitely not saying that you aren’t cute enough to bag one of those millionaires!

I’m saying don’t make your financial security dependent on someone else showing up and staying. Don’t gamble your future on the hope that someone will take care of you. Don’t put your wealth-building on hold while you wait for a ring, a partner, or permission to start living your life.

The math doesn’t lie. Every year you wait is costing you hundreds of thousands of dollars in future wealth. Every year you delay is making it harder to catch up. Every year you spend hoping someone else will build your financial security is a year you’re not building it yourself. And decreasing the chance that you can live that soft life where you live well off of YOUR assets that no one can take away.

But here’s the good news: You don’t have to have it all figured out today. You just have to start. With whatever you have.

Because the soft life you’re dreaming about? The one where you have options and freedom and security? That doesn’t come from finding the right person. It comes from becoming the right person—the person who loves herself enough to make sure she’s good, no matter what.

So go ahead and dream about the wedding. Swipe right on the apps. Be open to love. HAVE FUN! But while you’re doing all that, make sure you’re also opening that investment account, automating those contributions, and building the life that’s yours whether Prince Chauncy shows up or not.

Your future self will thank you.

Build the life you want — and let love meet you there.

Friendly reminder: This content is for education only and isn’t personal financial advice. Everyone’s money situation is unique, so make decisions based on your own research or by talking with a licensed professional who understands your individual circumstances.